For the longest time, I’ve assumed that society’s assumptions about me because of my gender didn’t touch me. At all. I didn’t ascribe to them or let them control me.
Recently though, I’ve realized that really, it did. In very subtle, small ways that I never even noticed until now when I have finally moved past them.
The weird thing is, for some reason I thought that it would be hard. Too hard for me to figure out. I had some misconception that it had to do with a lot of math and stuff I don’t understand and that I couldn’t even begin to touch learning it. Why would I think that way? In another vein, learning to code would give me a huge boost for trying to join a technology or gaming company (which is the type of industry I want to be in, I’ve discovered) and I’ve put it off thinking it’d be too difficult for me. That there was no way I could do it.
Coding essentially consists of computer languages, with syntax and rules and specific ways of writing. Now, I’m looking at how much I’m enjoying it and thinking, “Why wouldn’t I have enjoyed this a long time ago if I’d tried?” It’s a grammar nerd’s dream.
There’s no way to know whether society’s whispers affected me or not. I honestly don’t know – it could be for any number of reasons that I ignored it for so long. That even though I started using a computer at five years old, have always learned new software incredibly quickly and understand a lot for someone untrained about how computers and systems work, for some reason code would be the brick wall I’d hit. I know I haven’t gotten to the more difficult stuff yet, I suppose, but HTML and CSS were a breeze. I knew some HTML from trial and error adjusting elements on my old LiveJournals, and CSS was even easier to learn because it simplifies styling a page so much.
Why would I even doubt for a second I could learn it?
I’m glad that I’m making this step for myself. I have nothing but time on my hands, it’s a perfect time to learn something new that will help me get to where I want to go. (More on why I have so much time on my hands at a later time.)
I feel like it was the first step in breaking through a wall I’ve felt stuck behind for over a year. Writing it down helps. I hope this wasn’t too jumbled for you all, I know it’s been a long time. Hopefully that will not continue.